Thoughtful Articles

One of the only sure things in this life is that we will all, at some point or another,‬ suffer/experience grief. Whether it's the physical loss of a loved one, the loss of something you’d‬ really hoped for, the loss of a relationship, or even the grief that comes from evolving within‭ yourself. It is a powerful shared human experience and one I personally think we do not give‬‭ enough space or love.‬

‭See, grief grabs a hold of us and shakes us in whatever direction it sees fit. One minute we can‬ be basking in gratitude for the love that was shared and the next we can hardly stand or‬ breathe; considering what life will look like without them/this - if we can even live life without it.‬

Grief makes it feel like our bodies are collapsing in on us. Grief makes us atrophy without any‬‭physical exertion. Grief will make us flip over every stone in our heads to analyze things this‬ way or that way or what could’ve beens or what should’ve beens.

It will beat us down until we‬ wonder if we even have the energy to keep fighting. Grief is dark. And grief is lonely.

I read something recently that said that someone who is grieving deeply has no layer of protection; nothing left to defend. And for me, that is so accurate. Grief strips us of everything that ever made us feel safe and demands that we somehow, someway find footing again. It demands that we dig up every ounce of love we’ve ever been lucky enough to feel and pack it in the gaping holes of what’s been lost. And it takes a bravery and a courage that we often question if we’re even capable of mustering. 

But the reality is, there is no growth, no expansion, no compassion gained, unless we live through and survive grief. And in order to survive grief, we must move slowly; especially when it feels the darkest. Even though everything in our bodies will beg us to rush out of the pain, we MUST stay.

In order for grief to do the brutal and beautiful work it’s intended to do, WE MUST GO SLOW. Clawing out of the darkness is not for the faint of heart, but I firmly trust, the more that we’re willing to grow with grief, the more expansive our worlds become. The more we understand love. The more we understand the connectedness of it all. The more we understand connectedness to ourselves.

The dark is as worthy as the light, so long as we’re using it for growth. And that requires us to go slow and be brave enough to trust that our light will win. It always will.

‬In slowness I have felt Johnny in the wind. I have let myself imagine his sweet head resting‬ against mine. In slowness, I have heard my angels whisper to me “you can do this and we love‬ you."

In slowness I have wandered aimlessly into the world and found myself met with real life‬ angels who can hold me and hug me and promise me that I will be alright.

In slowness I have‬ recognized that the safe love Johnny gave me will never, ever be a thing I lose.

Love is so‬ intricately woven into the tapestry of who we are, we just have to slow down enough to‬ remember that; to wrap ourselves in it instead of tossing it in a dark corner for a later day.‬ The magic of slowness really boils down to presence. Awareness. Belief that everything around‬ us is magic if we let it be. Belief that WE are magic if we let ourselves be.

And while stillness in ‬grief can feel like a choke hold, we can breathe through it and ask for love to meet us in the depths of the darkness. And I promise you that love will always, always meet us there.‬

I do not take lightly that my life has been infinitely blessed by the most powerful love one can‬ experience. And while this physical loss is devastating, in the slowness I recognize that love‬ never dies and that it is all this existence has ever been about. The more we choose to expand‬ through grief, the more capable we are of holding others in theirs. And that, I believe, is the‬‭ magic.

Connectedness to the love in one another. Understanding that we are all walking with‬ the same hurts and aches and pains, and that we can meet each other with love. It is in the love‬ that I believe we will find the salve that heals all of our hearts.‬